Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
