I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
