dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
did you just send me my own nude
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
