I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
