does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
