brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
