I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
