i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
