i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
