i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
