This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
