my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
