I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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