the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
