ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
