Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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