I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
