Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
