1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
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all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
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Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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