I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
