I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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