I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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