I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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