Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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