Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
