Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
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