i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Randomize
