So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
