My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
