Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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