So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
