I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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