Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
