You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
