i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
