literally had 100 drinks last night.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
