from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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