Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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