I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
