Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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