btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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