Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
