Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
