new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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