what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
