I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
