What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
