I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
