she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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