I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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