Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
