I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
