I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
