Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Blood and glitter go together right?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
