Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
