hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just had sex on a roof
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
