Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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