Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
