Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
