WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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