You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
