Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
