i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
