Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
