Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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