I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
