well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
