I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
