Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
