I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
