As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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