I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
