i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
