Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
