Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
