dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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