Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
