turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
