I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
