take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I would ride that face into the sunset
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
