I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
