I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
