This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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