yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
