my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
