when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
