I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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