She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize