Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
